The Deadliest Dating Style: The Interrogator
Having trouble getting to date number two? Are you unknowingly sabotaging your dates? Do you find yourself doing a lot of the talking on dates—mainly asking questions?
Some may suggest that if you’re serious about marriage and children, you should put that on the table. The theory being that you don’t want to waste your time or his; and if your honesty scares him away then he wasn’t the right person for you anyway.
Well I’m here to tell you this theory is WRONG.
In being “honest” you’re sabotaging the dating process and making the man NOT want to get to know you better. Why’s that? Because you sound needy, desperate and tone-deaf to the normal conventions of first dates; chances are the man wants marriage and a family as well, but talking about it on your first date is not going to give him any clue into what kind of wife or mother you will be. First dates are for getting to know each other and figuring out if you want to see one another again.
When you introduce concepts like marriage, kids, religion, politics, money – trying to ensure that the person across from you is a good long-term prospect, you essentially turn from a pleasant, fun, likeable person… into “The Interrogator.” Men don’t like “The Interrogator”.
Doesn’t matter if you’re hot, smart, and interesting, if a man gets the sense that you’re testing him for earning, fathering, or husband potential, he’s not going to feel comfortable.
Let me give you an example:
First: Imagine you had a boyfriend you LOVED. And he told you after 8 months together that he was taking Zoloft to keep his mood up. Would you dump him? I sure hope not.
Now imagine that he told you that on the first date. Does he get a second date? I’d be surprised if he did.
There are things that we’re willing to hear LATER in the dating process – once the ice has been broken, the foundation has been laid, and the relationship is strong.
Your desire for marriage, family, and the ability to potentially be a stay-at-home mom is something that you’re better off springing once he already LIKES you and has something invested in you – not right after he learns what you do for a living.
Once a man likes you and knows you, he can more easily picture a life together with you. The life that you want!